A Bad Hemingway Story Characters
(as of 6/23/00)
MAKE NOTE: these descriptions give away a lot of the incredible twists in the story. They are here to help our authors. The Curator strongly recommends that you read all existing chapters before perusing this list of characters.
in order of appearance:
Fred: once fought Maria over Enrique, once worked on the Gran Santiago Railroad. Impatience revealed through shaky hand. Freed the bulls that run with Maria and the Patriatos.
Maria Ibiza: a man named Maria, younger than Fred, involved with Enrique.
Enrique: a woman with a hairlip who Fred and Maria once fought over.
The Inglese: also known as John, a mildly effeminine mountain guide, real name Derrick
Madonna: a singer who beds both men and women
Old Man of the Beach: boy-watching elder from Maria's youth
Esmerelda: Maria's boyhood friend
Joquin: a bar fly and lover of matadors, Enrique's fallback or perhaps a temporary flame
Victoria: an American woman from Georgia Maria was once involved with
The Patriatos: sombrero wearing, tequilla drinking guerillas
Fellini:the leader, killed by the train carrying the bulls that run
Marta: a prostitute with a wooden leg and a taste for cigars, waiting perpetually for the return of Ignacio, her lover
Ignacio: a talking horse. Went off to fight in the Great War and never returned.
Fabricia: a prostitute from California
Ramon: a 300kg (700lb) one armed assassin, hired by The Inglese to kill Enrique. Hails from Heces De Nuestros Santos Toros De Los Lugares Muertes. Lost his arm to the Great White Marlin.
Santos: a bully that Ramon killed as a boy
Pilar: a thin man
Concertina: a whore who had spit in her flan
El Presidente: is hunting for Maria, Fred, and the Patriatos
The Cap'n: Mediterreanean Sea captain searching for the Great White Marlin and a poor player of "Go Fish". Brother of Ramon, the one armed assassin.
LeMarcus: the boatswain
The Great White Marlin: the fish the Cap'n is obsessed with finding, killing, and eating
Gustavus: the first mate, a man with a high pitched voice hailing from Sicily. Emasculated by a bull during the Festival of St. Augustus the Blind Barber of Satimia. Fought for the British Navy for a spell. Once sang for the Pope.
Miguel: a ship's cook who dreams of bullfighting
Ghepetto Vespa: Gustavus' father
Immaculata: Gustavus' mother. Died of fever induced by depilatory poisoning.
Sister Carmelita Appelonia de Francisco: Mother Superior at the Convent of Our Couragous Corsican. Cared for Gustavus after his accident with the bull.
Edguardo: an unkempt Whore
Philippe el Ramone: captain's favourite lad
Ricardo: member of the captain's crew
©1999-2000 by J.Cisek and these folks